Naked Sausage Thief ….

Ah, a lazy Sunday morning. Makes you want to sit down for a nice leisurely breakfast of eggs and sausage.

Which may be what my dumb criminal of the week was thinking. I present you with, Ba-DUM! The Naked Sausage Thief!

Joshua Abernathy, accused of being Florida's not-so-feared naked sausage thief.

You might have seen this guy on the news already. He broke into a Florida retirement community, stripped naked and stole sausage from the community room.

The video is below. As always, my commentary to follow it:

The news reports are almost as scant on details as the thief’s clothing, or lack thereof. so I have my usual questions for intrepid journalists to follow up on regarding the alleged perp, Joshua Abernathy, 34.

Why was he naked? Was he trying to compare his sausage to the ones he stole?

Does sausage taste better when you’re naked? Was he trying to inspire clever, stupid newspaper headlines like “Police Grill Naked Sausage Thief”

Apparently, this guy also stole napkins, which is understandable, and also a first aid kit? Why the first aid kit? Was he afraid of choking? Or slicing himself when he cut the sausage? Especially if he cut the wrong sausage, if you know what I mean?

Last I heard, our Naked Sausage Thief was in jail, hopefully fully clothed. I hope the jail does not serve sausage today. Things could get ugly, fast.

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One Response to “Naked Sausage Thief ….”

  1. Philip Tortora Says:

    I hope he at least had an apron on while he cooked the sausages!

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