Jerk of the Week: He Poisoned Auburn’s Trees

Here’s a real loser for you:

A guy named Harvey Almorn Updyke Jr., 62, was arrested Thursday, charged with poisoning trees up to the age of 130 years old at Auburn University.

Harvey Almorn Updyke, 62, is accused of poisoning trees at Auburn Univeristy.

Reports are Updyke is a rabid fan of Auburn’s archrival Alabama, so that’s why he allegedly did the deed. Some media reports said Updyke saw Auburn kids defacing a statue of legendary Alabama coach Bear Bryant, so he decided to get even.

The Birmingham (Alabama) News published Updyke’s affidavit on its Web site.

He supposedly used this nasty stuff called Spike 80DF, and experts give the trees a slim chance of surviving.

Updyke denies the charges. But if he is the culprit, what was he thinking?

Among the things Updyke should have considered: Is a football rivalry worth killing trees and putting yourself in jail for up to 10 years?

If he gets mad over football games, I’d hate to see how upset he’d get if, say, somebody broke a window in his house or got in a fender bender with him.

What does killing the trees accomplish? Alabama and Auburn will no doubt continue playing football.

Anyway, talk about taking things to extremes. Bet he’s not president of the local garden club. And I’d hate to hire him as a landscaper.

Makes you feel like going to his house and sprinkling his shrubbery with a nice big does of Roundup. But that would be stooping to his level and killing innocent plants, wouldn’t it?


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One Response to “Jerk of the Week: He Poisoned Auburn’s Trees”

  1. gary rith Says:

    The USA is full of NUTcases!

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