Picking On (Very Odd) Politicians

I happy sport of mine is finding strange politicians and reveling in their deep bizarreness. Luckily there are so many of them.

Georgia Rep. Bobby Franklin has some interesting ideas

My latest catch is one Georgia State Rep. Bobby Franklin, R- East Cobb. Thanks to the Marietta Daily Journal for highlighting this truly amazing leader.

The breadth of his expertise is amazing. He seems most interested, it seems from reading the article, that Franklin is most interested in goats, gays and God. A winning combination, if you ask me.

As always, I like to help politicians work through their positions, just to make sure they can offer their constituents well-rounded reasoning behind their thoughts. With Mr. Franklin, I’m more than happy to oblige, so let’s start.

Like many Republicans, Franklin is against the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, which was the ban on gays serving openly in the military. The following is Franklin’s reasoning on gays, in the military and otherwise:

“The Bible says it’s a capital offense. You want someone with unrepentant criminal behavior? And it’s not just that, neither should adulterers, neither should thieves, neither should a lot of things. The church is full of sinners, but we’re told in First Corinthians it rattled of the homosexual, the adulterer, the thief, the liar and such were some of you, but you’ve been washed, you’ve been justified, and so forth. It’s not what you were. You’re not punishing a thought. But do you want an unrepentant drug dealer in the military? Same thing.”

Franklin says God hates gays, they should be executed. Hmm. Seems a little harsh, no?

OK, I have a few suggestions, Mr. Franklin. Isn’t this kind of a run on sentence? We started with gays and took a tour through the Bible, adulterers, sinners, bathing and thinking. I’m a little slow, maybe, so I got confused.

Sounds like you’re in favor of killing everybody, not just gays in the military. Who hasn’t stolen something? I took gum from a store when I was 12, and you said thievery is a capital offense. So should I be killed?

A woman once asked me if she looked fat in her outfit and I said no, even though she looked like a hippo on a binge tour through all of America’s fast food joints. I lied to her. I was trying to be nice. Should I be executed for that?

But you mentioned being washed. So it’s OK for thieves, liars, gays and adulterers to stay alive and be in the military if they bathe frequently? I guess you have to be a little more clear, Mr. Franklin.

Franklin also introduced legislation that would prevent local governments from interfering with people who want to raise chickens, rabbits or goats on their front yards.

Bobby Franklin said your front yard should look a little like this.

Says he: “The whole concept is no level of state government should ever tell a person that they are prohibited from feeding their family. Chickens for the eggs and the meat, rabbits for the meat, goats for the family and you can feed your family, but as you know, Cobb County in its Soviet style central planning has deemed that you have to have two acres just to have a chicken.

Are there no grocery stores in Cobb County, Georgia?  Everybody has to raise their own animals or starve there? And why do they evil Soviet central planners want to starve everyone in Cobb County? What are these evil Soviets doing there, anyway? That’s where they ended up when Communism fell in Russia around 1990? Who knew?

Why, Mr. Franklin are you limiting it to just chickens, rabbits and goats? Can people raise cows, elephants, penguins or God knows what for food, too?

What if people don’t have any room. What if they live in an apartment? Can they raise their chickens, rabbits and goats in the apartment? Maybe Franklin should just make his legislation a little more specific, at the risk of falling into Soviet style central planning.

Franklin also wants to outlaw the concept of driver’s licenses. He said the right to travel was enshrined in the Magna Carta in England in 1215. See how smart Franklin is? I never knew that. Anyway, he says:

“Licensing of drivers cannot be required of free people because taking on the restrictions of a license require the surrender of an inalienable right.”

Oh, so anybody can drive? Four year olds? Blind people?  Do traffic laws also interfere with our inalienable right to travel?  If I want to drink a fifth of vodka and then drive to Rutland or some damn place at 100 mph, that’s OK, because it’s my inalienable right?

As you can see, this is another bit of legislation that Franklin can think about more. And I’m sure he will. He’s also got interesting thoughts on money. (we should only use silver and gold)

He wants to eliminate all property taxes because taxes are part of the Communist Manifesto that abolishes private property, which is of course un-American. He wants to make Georgia clay the official state dirt. On which your chickens, rabbits and goats can graze upon, I suppose.

With fearless leaders like Bobby Franklin, our c0untry is assured a glorious future

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