The World’s Worst Holiday Gift

A woman in Green Bay, Wisconsin is still undoubtedly recovering from a less than joyful Christmas.

Can you top this for worst gift to give to someone: A used vacuum packed with illegal drugs.

Imagine getting as a gift, a used, refurbished vacuum cleaner. Worse, it turns out the vacuum was packed with $280,000 worth of crystal meth and cocaine, according to the Green Bay Press Gazette.

Apparently, the vacuum was refurbished in Juarez, Mexico, and smugglers put the drugs in the appliance. The contraband wasn’t noticed by anybody, including the store that sold the famiy the vacuum. The gift’s recipient found it.

Let’s pause here and think about what a new low this was in gift giving. I’m not good at coming up with appropriate gifts, but really. Getitng  a woman a vacuum cleaner?

Sure, it’s practical, but vacuuming sure doesn’t say Happy Holidays! We love you! It’s more like: “Clean up this mess, woman!” Christmas cheer it wasn’t.

The vacuum wasn’t even new. It was an old one, refurbished. Geez, at least spring for a new one, for gawd’s sake. What’s next? Are you going to buy her a broom with half the bristles missing? A used mildewy kitchen sponge? A frying pan with a broken handle? Do that, and she’ll use the pan to bang you over the head.

Police say the drugs in the vacuum were worth $280,000 on the street. Of course, the woman doesn’t get to keep the proceeds. But somehow, I think she deserves $280,000 because of her experience.

I don’t know when the vacuum recipient’s birthday is, but her family sure better make it up to her. I suggest sending her on a spa cruise. (Not a drug-running ship, please!)  And I’d throw in as an extra gift a cleaning person to tidy up the house for the woman.

The good news is the police know the woman who received the vacuum on Christmas  had nothing to do with the drugs, so she won’t face criminal charges. But somehow, I wonder if she wishes she was jailed, just to get away from her ungrateful family.

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