A New Conservative U.S. Constitution

Now that we have a Tea Party U.S. House of Representatives, it’s time to ditch that horrible document  of New World Order socialism, the U.S. Constitutiion.

Should this document be rewritten from a more conservative perspective?

Happily, David Cole, a constitutional lawyer and legal affairs correspondent for the Nation, has written a hilarious new conservative Constitution in today’s Washington Post.

You do have to click on the link to read the whole thing, it’s superb, but here are some excerpts I like:

“We, the Real Americans, in order to form a more God-Fearing Union, establish Justice as we see it, Defeat Health-Care Reform, and Preserve and Protect our Property, our Guns and our Right Not to Pay Taxes, do ordain and establish this Conservative Constitution for the United States of Real America.”

A section on how laws are made:

“Any law enacted by Congress and signed by the President may be overturned by the vote of three or more States if they find it burdensome, offensive, annoying or in any way touching on Health Insurance, Property Rights or Guns.”

 Presidential duties explained:

“The President shall faithfully execute the laws, except when, as Commander in Chief, he decides he’d really rather not.

The President shall not negotiate any Treaty without first receiving a signed and notarized note granting him permission, personally executed by every member of the Senate, the House, all 50 Governors and the editorial board of the Weekly Standard.”

And some rules for us:

“No White Male shall be denied equal protection of the law through Affirmative Action or otherwise. In keeping with the intent of the Framers, as discerned by the Honorable Justice Antonin Scalia, distinctions on the basis of sex shall not be deemed to deny equal protection.

The right to be uninsured and make other people pay the costs of one’s Health Care shall not be infringed under any circumstances.

Congress shall make no law limiting Americans’ right to warm the Planet by using all the energy they darn well please.

The Unborn shall have the rights to life, to vote, to bear arms, to practice Religion except in a mosque in Lower Manhattan (see First Amendment) and to make campaign contributions, but once the child is born, it shall have no rights if it is an Alien”

I’m sure this parody might bother some of my more conservative readers. They should feel free to post their liberal constitution proposals in the comments section. And as always, everybody else can put in their two cents, too.

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