Fractured Cliches: Words to Live By

“I’m not the sharpest crayon in the toolshed.”

That was a quote Jeff told me about that came from a relative during the holidays. It got me thinking about how wonderful it is when we take a familiar saying and make it gloriously nonsensical.

The great wordsmith Yogi Berra: When he comes to a fork in the road, he takes it.

When I’m too busy to get to something right away, I always say, “I’ll jump off the bridge when I get to it,” which seems so much more exciting than just crossing the damn span.

Yogi Berra is my hero in this regard. He’s the man who said that “Nobody goes there anymore, it’s too crowded.”

When somebody asked Yogi what time it is, he replied, “You mean now?”

He also said “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore,” “It gets late early out there,” and  “The future ain’t what it used to be.”

Proving the acorn does not fall from the apple tree (ha!) Yogi’s son Dale, compared himself to his father: “Our similarities are different.”

Samuel Goldwyn once said in a huff: “Our comedies are not to be laughed at.”

I’m sure Goldwyn was proud of his humility.

Religion gets a workout in bad cliches: “Thank God I’m an atheist” and “Monotheism is a gift from the gods.”

The following sentences I found would probably make decent bumper stickers:

“Honk if you love peace and quiet.”

“Always remember you are unique just like everybody else.”

“I wonder how much deeper oceans would be without sponges.”

“Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.”

“A fool and his money are soon partying.”

Now, in the immortal words of William Safire I close with the following:

“Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.”

Readers: Please add your favorite fractured cliches in the comments section.

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2 Responses to “Fractured Cliches: Words to Live By”

  1. 4initalia Says:

    My favorite fractured cliche came from a student from Qatar. In a paper about how to solve an environmental problem, she said “We must think outside the bottle.” She was so right on that.

  2. More Wordplay, Very Punny « Matt-of-all-trades Blog Says:

    […] week, I posted something on mangled proverbs and twisted cliches, just because I like playing with […]

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