Ask, and Do Tell

The big news over the weekend was the U.S. Senate’s decision to end the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in the military.

The only thing that will really mean, in practical terms anyway, is that people won’t have to lie about themselves if they want to serve the country. Since lying is generally bad, the Senate vote is a good thing. 

The funniest thing in the whole debate was the strange, hysterical leaps of logic opponents lobbed as they tried to stop the change.

In his blog JoeMyGod, Joe Jervis likes to post the silliness of these opponents and open them up for public ridicule. In that spirit, let’s walk through some of their anti-gay group’s  “logic,” shall we?

Some said gays wanted to get into the military to prey on poor innocent straight soldiers.

OK, so a gay guy is going to enlist in the army, risk life and limb in Afghanistan, dodging roadside bombs and Taliban snipers, eating bad food and freezing to death in the winter, all in an effort to catch a quick glimpse of a fellow soldier’s naked butt in the shower?

Uh, I’m sure it would be easier if our gay guy just went on line. I’m sure there are plenty of free gay porn web sites he could enjoy.

And what if a gay soldier hit on another one?  Aren’t there rules for straight soldiers against sexual harassment? Wouldn’t the same rules apply to gay soldiers? And if a soldier is tough enough to fight battles, I’m sure he’s tough enough to tell an unwanted horny jerk to beat it.

Ok, poor choice of words, I mean, go away.

Some people have said God hates gays, so we shouldn’t allow gays in the military. Former, dishonorably discharged Navy chaplain Gordon Klingenshmitt had this to say:

“Homosexual sin will always be a stench in the nostrils of Almighty God, an abomination which God condemns and shall punish with everlasting destruction.”

So God hates gays and he thinks they smell bad. Well, I guess I’ll just have to hope God gets a big case of Fabreze for Christmas.

The DADT vote, and gays in general, are also an apparent affront to freedom of speech, according to Jim Robinson, some wacko from a group called Free Republic:

“In fact, the homosexual agenda is a full frontal attack on OUR God-given, constitutionally protected rights to free speech, freedom of religion, freedom of association, Life, Family, Marriage, Pursuit of Happiness, etc.”

OK, so if two gay people get it on in a house behind closed doors somewhere, Robinson’s free speech rights are taken away? Is this some sort of gay fetish I don’t know about? Gays get turned on by putting duct tape over the mouths of people like Robinson? I never knew that. I must be so naive.

Then there’s Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association, who says that the repeal of DADT will feminize the military, making it weak and limp wristed or something. Which means we will no longer be able to bail out all those armies who can’t fight because there might be a gay soldier or two in their midst:

“We will no longer be able to bail out these other emasculated armies because ours will now be feminized and neutered beyond repair, and there is no one left to bail us out. We have been permanently weakened as a military and as a nation by these misguided and treasonous Republican senators, and the world is now a more dangerous place for us all.”

Yeah, militaries that allow gay soldiers to serve openly, like Israel, are such powder puffs, aren’t they?

I’ve also heard from the hysterical faction of the right wing that now with gays serving openly in the military, soldiers will be forced to cross dress. Like anyone would want to participate in a firefight with Al Quaeda dressed in the latest Jimmy Choo shoes and a Bob Mackie gown that would be too risque for Cher.

This goes on and on, of course. But for once, yesterday with the DADT vote, logic prevailed in Congress. Who’d a thunk?

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2 Responses to “Ask, and Do Tell”

  1. denis Says:

    You managed to have a very funny take on a very serious topic. Bravo!!!

  2. Michael McCann Says:

    I’ve been watching this one. In South Africa we moved rapidly away from the dark and into the light with our 1996 Constitution and Bill of Rights which expressly forbid any form of discrimination. We also don’t permit God to ‘interfere’ either, although we are probably more devoutly a Christian (85%) nation than most. To all those out there struggling with this issue, we are proof again that everyone can be accommodated without rancour and unnecessary fuss. To the great USA I say, enjoy the journey, it’ll be another voyage of discovery for you.

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