Screwing With Security

I’m planning to fly to and from New York this weekend.

I’ll be a sheep and do what the Transportation Security Admininistration tells me to do, with their awful X-ray machines, and failing that, the pat downs.  But let me tell you, I’m doing it incredibly grudgingly.

A slightly sanitized example of what security guards see throught the body scanning machines at airports. Ugh.

A lot of people don’t like the X-ray machines, which show security people EVERYTHING  and are opting for the pat-down, which nobody likes either.

 The whole security procedure seems dumb and ineffective at fighting terrorism. Terrorists should have figured out by now that they can’t get away with hiding bombs in unmentionable parts of their bodies, so they are surely coming up with another way to blow planes out of the skies.

Anyway, if you opt-out of the X-ray machine, you get a pat-down. The pat-downs are pretty, uh, thorough, where the security agents grab breasts, genitals, etc.  Sounds like a bad porno movie set in an airport.

November 24 is national opt-out day, where everybody is encouraged to opt out of the machine and get a pat down. The goal is to bollox everything up at the airport as a protest against the (possibly dangerous) X-ray machines.  OK, they’re called body imaging scans, but why be a wuss and use bland language? It’s X-rays, pretty much.

Anyway, so many people will gum up the works on Nov. 24, on the VERY busy day before Thanksgiving, the theory goes, the TSA will get the message they’re being stupid and come up with another, more reasonable security plan.

Of course, both “options” at the airport are unpleasant. You get a security guard looking at basically naked pictures of you in the X-ray machine, or you can have some stranger feel you up more thoroughly than a VERY attentive lover, but without the charm.

One columnist with the Atlantic magazine/Web site has gone so far as to suggest guys wear kilts commando at the airport.  The theory being that heterosexual TSA guards will have to feel up a guy wearing nothing but what is essentially a skirt, with no underwear beneath. Too many people like that would presumably gross out the guard, he’ll throw up his hands and stop groping people in the name of security.

And I don’t even want to think about what would happen if a male would-be airline passenger gets, um, excited when the security guard pats him down.  “Sir, is that an airplane bomb under your kilt or are you just happy to see me?”

I should just hitchhike to New York. Flying has just gotten too grotesquely sexual to me. Of course, if I want to go to Britain, or Japan or something, what am I supposed to do?  Swim?

But that salt water is so awful on my hair………

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2 Responses to “Screwing With Security”

  1. gary rith Says:

    KILTS + Commando = !!!!

  2. Screwing With Airport Security (Ctd.) « Matt-of-all-trades Blog Says:

    […] With Airport Security (Ctd.) By mattalltrades After I filed that post yesterday about the stupidity of airport security X-ray machines, and the dirty dancing groping Transportation Security Administration agents do in […]

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