Oh, Deer

To me, white tailed deer are as annoying as mice, except they are bigger and taste better.

White tailed deer: Both beautiful and extremely annoying.

No, I don’t like deer. I’m not snowed by the fact they are cute, graceful and wild animals that ought to be protected.

 I don’t feel like being fair-minded about this. So don’t tell me they were here first and we are the ones invading their space.

You’d be right if you said that, but I prefer to be selfish and rant about how awful they are.

Deer are out to kill us, or at the very least annoy us.

Notice how they always dash out onto the road just as cars are coming so that they get hit or killed.

Accidents? I think not. These deer are suicide terrorist, leaping out onto the road to wreck cars and possibly injure their drivers.

According to State Farm, the insurance company, there were 2.3 million car-deer collisions in the nation in the two years ending on June 30.  About 200 people a year die in such collisions, and the average cost of a repair job after smacking into a deer is $3,103, according to State Farm.

See, deer are terrorists.

According to deer experts, this time of year is the worst for deer/car collisions because it’s rutting season, and bucks are out to get a sweet little doe, and not paying attention to traffic.

I don’t buy it. Deer hunting season is now. These deer are retaliating against those hunters who are currently in tree stands, freezing their tushes off in the (slight) hope that a nice buck will saunter by so the hunter can blast it into oblivion.

Deer also crash through home windows, and even a bar, as you can see in the video below. Don’t tell me they’re not terrorists.

I don’t hunt, but sometimes I wish I could. In my yard. I have these cedar bushes that deer love to eat.  Every winter, I have to fence them off because the deer like to eat and kill the cedars. I, on the other hand, want my cedars intact.

Again, scientists will tell you deer are hungry in a snowy winter and will seek out reachable things like cedar or hemlock to eat.  I prefer to completely throw logic to the wind and say deer eat my shrubs because they are jealous that my landscaping has been improving, so they want to ruin it.

I sometimes wish the deer would get hopelessly entangled in the fencing surrounding my shrubs, but that would be cruel, so I drop that idea.

In any event,  good luck to you deer hunters out there. Be safe, be good, be accurate.

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One Response to “Oh, Deer”

  1. Broni Says:

    haha this post was Hilarious man!
    Rarely a deer out here where i live.. but still a chuckle of a read! thanks fella.


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