It’s time for that irregular feature of this blog: Music Torture!
I’m a connisseur of pop music and videos that are so awful, so over-the-top that you can’t help but laugh. Luckily, there is an endless supply. I hope some of you have as weird a sense of humor as I do, as I take you to…
Air Supply. Still touring! Get yer tickets!
Air Supply!!! Its’ hard to beat the song “Making Love Out of Nothing At All” The histrionics! The over-produced vocals! the screaming of the lead singer! The dumb blonde in the video who can’t make up her mind and can’t pack a suitcase to save her life! How the hell did she get through airport security? Watch, if you dare: (Note when vid pops up, you have to click on “Watch it on YouTube” Don’t know why they make you jump through that stupid hoop)
Phew! That was something! Don’t know what, but it was something.
We shouldn’t limit ourselves to Golden Oldies. There’s a hit song now that everybody seems to love. It’s right at the top of the charts: “Like a G6,” by some outfit called Far East Movement.
The band Far East Movement, shown here getting slizzard, or something.
I’ll paint myself as totally uncool here, but the female singer (who is a guest star, apparently, not part of the band) is so auto-tuned and computer programmed that she sounds like she’s getting nauseated while inspecting the inside of a large, methane-steeped, failing culvert pipe.
The guy in the band keeps rapping about the “sober girls around me, they be acting like they dru-u-u-u-unk.”
No, dude. The sober girls around you are fleeing you in panic, and all that commotion just makes them appear drunk.
Here’s the video, if you can stand it: (Note: Same dumb deal, click on “Watch it on YouTube to see it.)
Notice in the video, the lead female singer does a bunch of shots in a restaurant, then drives to the liquor store for more booze.
Where’s a cop when you need one?
And what’s with all the sunglasses that make the band members look cartoon insects?
Also, check out these lyrics:
“Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6″
They couldn’t come up with a word that rhymed with “blizzard” so they invented a word, “slizzard?”
I’m guessing “slizzard” means a sleazy blizzard, but what do I know?
They’re sipping sizzurp? Does that mean a sizable burp? Or a fizzy burp? I’m not sure. Or are they just too drunk to use real words?
I’m so confused. I have a headache. I need a drink. So I, too, can fly like a G6, which, by the way, refers to a Gulfstream G650, eight passenger luxury jet.
Which I’m going to take to get as far away as Far East Movement as I can.