In Toilet Paper News…..

Toilet paper is in the news!

That’s right, toilet paper has become a central figure in the news this week. A school in New Jersey was bombed with toilet paper. An assault in Massachusetts involved toilet paper. And environmentalists are annoyed, annoyed with Charmin.

For toilet paper details, we first go to New Jersey. Pilot Warren Saunders dropped rolls of toilet paper on Westwood, N.J. High School this week.

Turns out he was practicing for a performance in which colored streamers would be dropped from the sky during a weekend football game at the high school.

If you want to get to Carnegie Hall, practice, practice, practice, the adage goes. But in Saunders’ case, the practice landed him a citation for performing unsafe aerial maneuver.

On to Framingham, Massachusetts, where Allen Kerner is charged with assault for hitting a school custodian with a roll of toilet paper,

Kerner was using the school rest room, and in walked the custodian, whistling as he worked. Kerner disliked the whistling, so he tried to use the toilet paper roll to make hims shut up. No word yet on whether the school custodian will continue whistling away his work days, but we do know he wasn’t hurt.

Meanwhile, environmentalists are mad at Charmin because they don’t use recycled paper, according to the New York Times.  Seems toilet paper from recycled paper isn’t as soft, so Charmin uses fresh product.

So please don’t squeeze the Charmin. You’ll kill a tree. Or something like that. I think I saw Mr. Whipple chopping down a tree and killing a spotted owl, but I could be mistaken.

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