Vermont’s Boring Candidates

Vermont’s political candidates are dull, dull, dull.

We have none of the excitement of other states, where candidates for high office can be counted on to say incredibly stupid things.

Sure, Vermont candidates have had a propensity for getting into car accidents, but those mishaps have been cases of standard-issue goofups, not spectacular incompetence.

There’s so much potential here in Vermont for political stupid-speak, yet it doesn’t really happen that much.

U.S. Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt. terrorized by the Joker in the "Dark Knight" Batman movie a few years ago.

I’ll compare some Vermont politicians to others in the nation to illustrate:

 U.S. Senator Patrick Leahy, D-Vt. is a big fan of Batman. But he has made no mention of restarting America’s economy by manufacturing Batman/Leahy action figures. That’s unlike  South Carolina Democratic Senate Candidate Alvin Greene, who would repair our economy with, you guessed it, Alvin Greene action figures. 

Brian Dubie, the Republican candidate for Vermont governor, has ties to the Vermont National Guard, and I suppose he could use that access to firepower to threaten an armed insurrection to ensure he gets into office.  However, Dubie has given every indication he will accept whatever verdict Vermont voters return, in his campaign or anyone else’s.  So if you’re looking for Dubie to start a civil war, you’re going to be bitterly disappointed.

Compare that to Nevada Republican Senatorial candidate Sharron Angle, who said, “If this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies. I’ll tell you the first thing we need to do is take Harry Reid out.” Reid is her Democratic opponent.

The Democratic gubernatorial candidate in Vermont, Peter Shumlin, helped shepherd the legalization of gay marriage through the state’s legislature. So, I doubt he will say something like Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern once said, that gay people are a worse threat to the nation than terrorists.

Incumbent Vermont congressional candidate Peter Welch, a Democrat, has been quite interested in health care since his election.  He has a lot of ideas on the subject, but not an idea like the following:  “God may choose to heal someone from cancer, yet that person still has a great deal of medical bills. The outstanding bills do not determine whether or not the patient has been healed by God.”

Those are the immortal words of Delaware Republican Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell, who, by the way, is definitely not a witch.

Christine O'Donnell, not a witch, but makes more, uh, colorful statements than Vermont politicians.

It’s true that Welch’s Republican opponent, Paul Beaudry, does not think global warming is primarily caused by human activity. But he has not said, like a Wisconsin state senate candidate did, that increased carbon dioxide is not a problem because it “gets sucked down by trees and helps the trees grow.”

It’s three weeks until the election, Vermont candidates. Time to step it up, and say something really, really dumb. Must we let other states overshadow our ability to be incredibly stupid?

Uh, well. yes, we must.

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