Sale! All Items Must Go!

I was frantically tossing some of my possessions onto the driveway early yesterday morning when Darlusz Zabagaiski, the Polish frog that lives here, came into the kitchen.

Darlusz sits atop some bald tires at my yard sale yesterday morning while Jeff places more items out to get rid of.

He was in tears. “What you do? You moving out? Can I come? I don’t want to move. You leaving me? Please, we talk.”

“Oh Darlusz, relax. Nobody’s moving anywhere. There’s just too much stuff in this house, so we’re having a lawn sale.”

Darlusz cried a bit more, this time in relief.

Darlusz helps me bring signs advertising my yard sale to a busy intersection near my house yesterday.

“I’m sorry for alarming you. Here, munch on these flies and mosquitoes I caught for you, then you can help me set up the sale,” I said.

I was doubtful about some of the items I was selling. Jeff was selling a bunch of stuff too, but at least his items had a little more appeal than mine.

Some of the items I was selling included bald tires, a sagging television stand, a pair of jeans purchased during the Reagan administration,  a U.S. Census coffee mug and key chain, a clock with an AAA logo on it, a plastic ball that yells “OUCH!” when you bounce it, and a ruler from the Roman Catholic Diocese with the logo, “A Measure of  God’s Love.”

Jeff shows off some of the items for sale at our yard sale yesterday.

But the customers came, and some of them bought. Jeff made sure to sing the praises of his gas dryer that he was trying to unload. The theory being if we kept talking about the dryer, somebody would buy it to make us shut up.

Darlusz stayed back in the kitchen, rolling his eyes, but the plan actually work. The dryer was gone by noon.

One toothless man with scraggly hair bought a couple things, then handed me a card. “You’re missing some shingles on your roof. I’m a roofer, I can come back and put a new roof on,” he said.

As soon as he left, another shopper sidled up to me, and whispered, “‘Don’t go near that guy. I know him He’s awful. He’ll rip you off,” she said.

Nice to have people watching my back, for sure.

Customers drove up in a really cool vehicle for our yard sale yesterday.

In the end, we made $290, and we had a lot less clutter in the basement than before the sale,  Darlusz was impressed. “I bet der’s spider down dere where you moved da stuff out.  I go eat now,” he said,

The real fun started when the sale ended. Jeff and I dragged the awful stuff that we didn’t want to the side of the road, next to a big sign that said “FREE”

Within minutes, cars stopped and people began to pick through the stuff. A guy with long hair and tattoos raced to pack as much stuff into his car as we could.

“We have more in the driveway if you want,” I told him.

The guy’s eyes lit up as if we told him we would hand over a million dollars. Tattoo guy said he runs some sort of resale business in Bakersfield, so he’s always looking for free stuff to re-sell.

His cell phone rang. “But babe, they’re giving away free stuff. I have to load the car. I know what I said. I’ll be home as soon as I can,” he said.

The phone argument done, his car packed, the guy turned to me. “Can I come back and get the stuff I can’t fit in my car,? he asked.

“You bet,” I replied.

While he was gone, other people stopped to pick through the remaining stuff near the road. One person, apparently lacking room to put things he wanted in his truck, hid a trash can and some other items I left there deep in the brush. Apparently he hoped he could come back and claim it without anybody else noticing it.

The tattoo guy came back after dark and took more stuff, but again, there was more than he could fit in his car. We’re praying he comes back this morning for the rest of the stuff.

If not, anyone out there want a green rug with dog pee stains on it?

2 Responses to “Sale! All Items Must Go!”

  1. denis Says:

    when you said all items must go you really meant it! glad you had a successful day.

  2. gary rith Says:

    Oh man, I was worried DZ was for sale! And NO, I do not need the rug 🙂

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