Hurricane Matthew?

I’m not sure what to think about the idea that I might share a name with a hurricane later this fall.

Hurricanes are named in alphabetical order, and there’s a different list of names this year. If we get to the “M” tropical storm or hurricane, it will be named Matthew.

Satellite view of Hurricane Danielle, spinning through the Atlantic Ocean on Thursday.

Earlier this year, I thought for sure we’d get to the “M” storm because they were forecasting a really busy hurricane year. But so far it’s slower than expected. We are only up to “E” as Hurricane Danielle and Tropical Storm Earl are swirling out in the Atlantic Ocean. Neither storm is expected to hit the United States East Coast.

A Tropical Storm or Hurricane Matthew raises so many question for me. How big do I want it to be? Do I want it to strike land? Where? How much destruction should it cause?

As if I have any control on how big storms get, or where they go.

Matthew, if we get to the “Ms” will range in strength to a tropical storm that causes a 40 mph wind gust for five minutes in a remote part of the ocean, then dissipates; to a howling, 200 mph monster that makes Hurricane Katrina look like a gentle sea breeze and kills a zillion people.

I know somebody named Katrina, and the 2005 storm that wrecked New Orleans and killed over 1,000 people was hard for her. Obviously not as hard for her as it was for the people who had to live through the actual hurricane. But still.  My friend Katrina had to endure lame jokes about her destructive power for months. And she’s a sweet person.

It seems the worst hurricanes, the ones that kill the most people and cause the most destruction, have the mildest, happy names. Charley Mitch. Camille. Fifi.

Satellite view of Tropical Storm Earl gaining strength Thursday far out in the Atlantic Ocean.

I think they should name hurricanes after they’re through, and the names should reflect their personalities. Earl, now a tropical storm way out in the  middle of nowhere, should do some work and be gone, like a dependable gardener. Earl should dump torrential rain on a drought-stricken area then quickly  move on.

Next up is Fiona. Kind of an Irish name. Lots of Irish people in Boston, so that’s where it should hit.  Later this season, the list of names includes Igor. That one should be the worst hurricane of the season, causing death, destruction and especially fear, kind of like the victims in a Bela Lugosi movie. For the proper effect, Hurricane Igor should make landfall at night, and have a lot of lightning with it.

So what should a Tropical Storm or Hurricane Matthew do? I don’t want it to be wimpy. Doesn’t fit my personality. Tropical Depression Matthew doesn’t have a great ring to it. Then again, I wouldn’t want a Hurricane Matthew to kill a lot of people.

I think Hurricane Matthew should come ashore on Long Island, then move north into Vermont.  Once it gets into Vermont, it should be loud and windy, but not so windy as to knock down all the trees.  It should also rain really, really hard during Hurricane Matthew, but ultimately not cause a super bad flood, just high water. 

Because that’s me: Loud, messy and obnoxious, but ultimately kind of harmless.

2 Responses to “Hurricane Matthew?”

  1. denis Says:

    hurricane matt will be strong, bold, determined…one to remember!

  2. denis Says:

    you should have a contest. when will hurricane matt hit and where?

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