South Carolina Superhero

Action figures will solve our economic ills

South Carolina Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Alvin Greene

Specifically, action figures of one Alvin Greene.

What? Never heard of him? He’s the South Carolina unemployed guy who won the Democratic primary for U.S. Senate and faces Republican James DeMint in November.

Of course nobody knows why this Greene guy won. Maybe he was the first guy listed on the ballot and nobody paid attention. Or he was confused with Al Green, the great soul singer. At least Al Green would be easier to listen to on C-SPAN than, say, Mitch McConnell.

Anyway, Greene seems to be running  because he was annoyed he was sort of forced out of the military. He won’t say why the military didn’t seem thrilled with him.

But he’s got creative ideas, like boosting the economy by having people make action figures based on himself.

It’s so refreshing to finally find someone who has a novel, creative idea to get us out of the economic rut. I guess that proves we need more outsiders in Washington.

You know, I”m willing to help. I think there can be a wide variety of action figures based on, well, myself!

I have many interests, so there can be many varieties of Matt Action Figures. A huge variety means more action figures to make, which means more manufacturing jobs, more economic activity and a brighter future for all of us!

There can be Captain Weather Matt, who inflicts fog and drizzle on the flight plans of his enemies, thereby saving the world.

There’s Captain Landscape Matt, who can mulch evil doers to death. Or Captain Workout Matt, who kills the bad guys with a calculated swing with a kettlebell.

So, Alvin Greene, let’s you and me team up, and be action figures and save the world!

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