Archive for July, 2010

An Update on Pukemon

July 31, 2010

In April, I told you about Pukemon, the moron who intentionally barfed on some nearby fans as revenge against said fans at an April Philadelphia Phillies game.  The victims  objected to Pukemon and his friends, spitting, swearing and generally being unpleasant.

"Pukemon," the guy whose barf was heard around the world, was sentenced Friday.

Pukemon apparently wanted to be himself. Even if everybody else didn’t

I said in my April post that the courts would sort the whole matter out and on Friday, the courts did exactly that.

Pukemon, known to his friends, if he has any, as Matthew Clemmons, 21, of Cherry Hill, N.J. was sentenced to up to three months and jail and community service to boot. (ha!)

The judge in the case suggested the community service ought to include cleaning toilets at the Phillies stadium.

The judge is brilliant, as far as I’m concerned. Do you know how many drunk people throw up in toilets at ballgames? Pukemon looks like he’s been relegated to cleaning up other people’s puke. Justice is served!

I hope Pukemon has learned his lesson. If not, I at least hope he’s no longer enthusiastic about watching ball games.

Landcaping: More Novel Mower Repairs, Uses

July 30, 2010

The other day, I whined in this blog about the broken handle on my lawnmower and how I ingeniously fixed the problem using a rubber bungee cord. Yes, I’m proud of myself.

My mower is now back from the shop with a sturdy new handle. Thanks, Dave, at Dave’s Small Engine Repair in St. Albans.

Yep, that's a log replacing a lawnmower wheel.

I have since found a lawnmower repair more clever than mine, and a use for a lawnmower I never thought of. So many creative people out there!

A dreaded problem is a wheel falling off a lawnmower. No problem for the guy in the picture in this post, which I got from “There, I Fixed It,” a Web site dedicated to, uh, interesting, ways to repair things.

He just replaced the missing lawnmower wheel with a piece of a log and our fearless lawn man was back in business. I just love happy endings.

Next, we go to a guy who just hates clipping his shrubs, and those electric clippers are even worse.  Be patient with this video, because The World’s Strongest Redneck reveals his most excellent solution that leads to easy and efficient hedge trimming:

Burlington, Vt. Has A Cow

July 29, 2010

It’s bad enough Vermont’s dairy farms are suffering and going out of business because of low milk prices.

One of the Burlington art cows. Some have been damaged by vandals

Now, fake cows in Burlington, Vermont are under siege, too.

A community art project this summer led to 37 brightly painted fiberglass cows scattered around Burlington’s Church Street Marketplace.

The cows have proven irresistable to “cow-tippers,” presumably drunken kids who knock them over for fun and giggles.

The city is fighting back, of course, with a few arrests, a posse on the look out for the cow tippers. Even karma has helped. One bonehead who knocked over a cow ended up having the thing land on his foot. Said bonehead’s foot bones are now broken because of that happy little incident.

I’m all for art, but this vandalism spree points to the need for more exciting art. Yes, the cows are nice to look at, but think about how great this project would have been had they been rigged to do fun things when tampered with.

I mean, wouldn’t it have been more fun if Mr. Broken Foot who tried to knock over the cow got sprayed by gold glitter and pastel paints blowing out of the cow’s mouth?

Or, what if computers inside the cows were rigged to scan the image of the vandal, dig up all the dirt on the little scoundrel and post a video of the guy’s most stupid moments on YouTube?

The possibilities are endless. Artists: Get your thinking caps on and your creative juices flowing. You can turn a placid small town art project like Burlington’s into something that will REALLY get the art critics’ attention!

A Rainy Vermont Sunset

July 29, 2010

I swear the best sunsets in Vermont come just as a rain shower is ending, as happened tonight.

The pics were taken this evening in Colchester. Love the orange textures in the sky.

Media: Cool Collision Video

July 28, 2010

I love watching things get hit, collisions, things getting damaged, etc., provided nobody gets hurt and nothing important is damaged.

So I was delighted when I saw a video on Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish blog of slow motion videos of things getting hit, colliding, etc.

The video was created by Philip Heron and James Adair. It’s a great time waster, so please watch, you won’t be disappointed.

Landscaping: My Slow Wall Progress

July 28, 2010

As I’ve mentioned, I’m slowly building a stone wall in front of my house. I don’t have much time to work on it, but every time I have a few minutes, I’ll add a couple stones to the wall.

Stone wall I'm building in front of my house, in April.

Or I’ll turn a shovel or two of dirt behind the wall to get things ready for an eventual small garden. Someday, it might get done, who knows?

First picture in this post was taken in April.

The second picture was yesterday, meaning late July. Maybe in the fall, when it’s cool, I’ll make even faster progress.

The wall as it stood on July 27, yesterday, with Darlusz the Polish frog on the left end of the wall checking it out.

I can only hope.

Retailers: You Must Do Christmas Now.

July 27, 2010

It’s the middle of summer in northern Vermont, temperatures are in the hot upper 80s, which is at least cooler than what most of the rest of the country is experiencing. 

Which means it’s time to go Christmas shopping.

So say the national store chains. Retailers across the nation are having Christmas in July, “events” as they call the PR campaigns to get people to spend money they don’t have in their stores.

I guess they’re counting  on a Pavlovian response from consumers. If you say “Christmas,” everybody will pour into stores to shop. They figure it works in the Christmas season, so why not now?

According to the Washington Post: “The recession has forced everyone to be much more creative,” said Candace Corlett, president of WSL Strategic Retail, a marketing consultancy.

You want a creative marketing approach? I’ll give you one. Try selling quality items of things we want and need at reasonable prices.

Nevertheless, it appears there is an evil plot by the nation’s retailers to extend the Christmas season to cover all 12 months of the year. So look forward to a future of Santa among the May lilac blooms, reindeer in the strawberry patch in June, Frosty the Snowman on the beach in July and sweaty, mosquito-swatting Christmas carolers invading your neighborhood during the dog days of August.

Retailers are desperate. People aren’t spending like they used to, so they’re trying anything to lure us in. Hence, the current “Christmas” season.


Christmas carols and sales anytime before the first of December have me running in the opposite direction. So retailers: If you want my bucks now, lose the Santa images and the holiday wreaths, and let me shop for summer clothes in peace.

Landscaping: Broken Mower, No Problem.

July 27, 2010

“Dat no good,” said Darlusz Zabagaiski, the Polish frog that lives here and has a comment about almost everything.

Darlusz inspects my jury-rigged repair job on a broken mower handle, in which I used a bungee cord to hold things together,

He’d hopped up on my lawn mower and inspected the handle, held in place by a bungee cord.

I had mowed for an hour Sunday, with another three hours to go, when the mower handle, worn out from four years of pushing it up hills, down hills and over bumps, finally gave out and snapped like an old lady’s hip as she trips and falls down the stairs.

“But you had ta do da mowing da rest of da day. What you do,? Darlusz asked.

“Well, as you can see, I did a Hail Mary and wrapped a rubber bungee cord around the handle.” Believe it or not, it held, barely, through three hours of mowing. I got the job done,” I said.

A bungee cord miraculously manages to hold together my snapped lawnmower handle

“It must been hard, Dere’s give in dat handle with da break and da rubber cord.  It bend lots,” Darlusz said.

“True, I replied. But a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. If a client tells me to mow the lawn, what am I supposed to do, say no?

“Well you lucky dat held like dat all day. If I were dere I say no how, won’t work. But den, you know me, da magic frog. I tot maybe you have bad day Sunday, so dat morning I did da goud luck dance for you.  I guess it work,” Darlusz said.

“I guess it did, thanks Darlusz.”

The mower is in the shop now and should be ready for another round of work, with no bungee cords involved, this coming weekend.

How Not to Position a Ladder

July 26, 2010

I’m not good with ladders. No matter how hard I try to position them correctly,  they often feel a little tippy and uneven when I’m on them.

I actually try to stay off ladders, but sometimes, the roof needs attention, or I have to paint a hard to reach spot, so up I go.

Stairway to Heaven?

I do try to be as safe as possible. And though I’m famous for jury rigging things to sort of make them work, I try to play it by the book with ladders.

Because falling from the top of a ladder to a concrete driveway is probably not much fun.

Which brings us to a fun picture in this post, which shows the lengths (ha!) people will go to extend the reach of a ladder. Don’t try this at home, kiddies.

Frankly, I’m really tempted to wait until somebody gets on the ladder in the picture, then drive the little cart away.

I’m a bad person, aren’t I?

Animals Flatten and Goose Humans, Pets

July 26, 2010

I often post cute, cuddly, sentimental and hopelessly nice pictures and videos of animals in this blog.

A whale about to crash into a South African sailboat. Occupants were unhurt, the whale swam away.

It’s time I give equal time to the not-so-nice denizens of the animal world.

You might have seen the news out of South Africa where a whale smashed down onto a boat.

Some reports said the sailors on the boat were harassing the whale by being too close, while others said it was just an accidental collision. In any event, I guess we have to add flying whales to our list of hazards on the water.

Here’s a video of the whale incident via CBS News:

Thanks to CNN’s Jeanne Moos, I also found a video of what the narrator calls a “crazy-ass goose” who keeps leaping onto a boat and attacking the guy’s dog. The guy even tries throttling the goose, and repeatedly throwing it back in the water, but it won’t be deterred.

I guess giving the goose  a stern talking to wouldn’t have worked, either. “Play nice now, HONK!” If I was that dog, I would have bit the goose’s head right off.

This is one miserable, mean goose. I wonder why it was in such a lousy mood. Maybe the guy on the boat should have fed it some Prozac. Watch the vid:

Is this something else I have to worry about?  Every fall, I love watching those V-shaped flocks of geese flying south. If I look too much, will they attack?

What other creatures, other than this summer’s obiquitous deer flies and mosquitoes, will go after me next?  Is the rabbit who’s been  hanging out in my back yard that innocent? Is the happy little bird chirp I hear in the trees each morning and evening a nice little song, or a war cry?

I’m not sure, but I’ll keep you posted. That is, if I live to tell the tale.