Dead Man a Media Darling

Too bad David Morales Colon isn’t around to see how famous he’s become.

He’s the unfortunate man in Puerto Rico who was recently shot to death at the age of 22. The funeral home, at the request of Colon’s family, posed his body on a motorcycle for people paying their last respects.

Sure, the idea is a little strange and morbid, but who says you have to meet your maker in a brown wooden box? It’s got me thinking about what I should do when I leave this world, something I hope doesn’t happen for a long, long time.

I’ve don’t want a funeral when I go anyway. I hope friends and family send me off with a keg party instead. But until now, I have been  unimaginative when it comes to how they should dispose of my body.  I’d say just ditch the me in a Dumpster behind Wal-Mart or something.

But maybe I should go for something more creative. Thunderstorms are my favorite kind of weather, so maybe people can coat my corpse in metal, put me on a roof and I can be a lightning rod. I’d certainly go out with a flash, wouldn’t I?

I love working in landscaping and such, so maybe you could just add me to the compost pile, so you get a nice, lush garden the next spring. Just don’t mention how the soil the vegetables are growing in got so rich as you serve your friends a nice, fresh garden salad.

Our friend on the mot0rcycle got famous in death, but I don’t want to suffer that fate. If I become famous, I want to be around to enjoy my 15 minutes in the spotlight.   So don’t do anything too public when deciding how to dispose of my body. I don’t want to be on Fox news or something.

 I owe so much money to people that I can’t die. That means I will outlive you all, thus relieving you of the responsibility of where to chuck my cold dead corpse.

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