Barbie, Boozing, Brothers in Arms.

Today in crime news, I give you Paul Hutton, 40, a Britain who was recently convicted of driving drunk. His vehicle of choice on this crime was a child’s Barbie car. No word if it was a Barbie Ferrari, but the vehicle has a top speed of 4 mph.

The photo of our intrepid Barbie chauffeur is by Peter Lawson of East News Press, via the Telegraph of London.

Hutton admitted to the crime and says he was “a twit” for doing what he did.

Well, as long as he wasn’t on a date with Barbie. The article says the guy is divorced, and he is 40, so maybe he was having a middle age crisis and wanted to have a fling with a hot blonde. Thank goodness Barbie wasn’t hurt. It’s always the passengers who die in drunk driving crashes.

In other, more local news, the St. Albans (Vermont) Messenger reports on one brother shooting another brother in the leg over a rent payment. The print version of the Messenger article gets into more detail than the on line version,  which is always fun.

It seems Kenneth Dudley, 20, of Enosburg Falls was upset with his brother, Adam, 24, moving out and leaving him in the lurch for rent, again.

Kenneth had warned Adam about this before, saying if Adam ever stiffed him on the rent again, he’d shoot him in the leg. So Adam can’t say he wasn’t warned.

On the bright side, Adam is expected to recover nicely.

I bet Kenneth and Adam’s mom thought they were  a real handful when they were growing up.

Unless more information comes out to contradict reports on this incident,  it appears Kenneth is a defense lawyer’s nightmare, as was incredibly chatty with the police.  According to the Messenger account, Kenneth told police he “got pissed”

Vermont State Police Officer Cory Lozier asked Kenneth it he thought shooting his brother in the leg was the right thing to do.

Our buddy Kenneth replied, “I think so. Stop f*****g people over.”

That raises all kinds of questions as to what is an appropriate punishment for other indiscretions. If the brother made a mess of the apartment, does he deserve getting shot in the arm? Or is another weapon appropriate?

What about denting the brother’s car? Does that require a hammer blow to the head? Stealing the brother’s girlfriend? Maybe that requires an inverse Cupid in the form of a hunting arrow to the heart.

If Kenneth is found guilty, he could spend quite a few years in jail. That will be good, because then he’ll have time to explain to us how best to punish all kinds of brotherly misdeeds.

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