Palin $peaks, I Want In

Anyone who knows me understands I love to talk.

And talk and talk and talk.

Which gets in the way of making a living, since I’m always too busy yammering to focus on actual work.

So naturally I was intrigued that Sarah Palin often makes $100,000 for just one speaking engagement. Plus, for each engagement, she gets a Lear jet, a nice hotel, and two water bottles with straws. Bendable straws.

I’m told Palin is no pig. The fees and perks are pretty standard for big name talking heads.

The news made me realize I should just demand money when I talk.  I don’t even need $100,000 per session. I can be as cut-rate as the rest of them. I’m offering a rock-bottom sale price of $75,000 every time I talk.

Some people might not find me as interesting as Sarah Palin. Then again, some people might find me more interesting than Palin. That works for both of us. She can have her fans, I can have mine.

What does Palin talk about that is worth $100,000?  It’s not as if gold flakes fly out of her mouth and rain down on her adoring audience when she speaks.

I can be pretty democratic about my speaking engagements. I can ask people what they want me to talk about and do it. It could be anything: Quantum physics, political turmoil in Lesotho, Lady Gaga, tree growth rings in high elevation Peru, or the stability of Glenn Beck.

I actually don’t know much about these subjects. Except for maybe Lady Gaga. On items I know little about, I’ll just make stuff up.  A lot of people do that.

Some even accuse Palin of making things up, if you can believe that.

So far, nobody has called me up offering to pay me $100,000 just to yak. It’s a mystery to me why I’m not in demand like that. I just think people are shy. They know I’m such a brilliant speaker  they figure they are not worthy to even ask.

Believe me, if you have a suitcase full of cash you want to give me, you are so, so worthy. Trust me.

I’ll talk your ears off.

One Response to “Palin $peaks, I Want In”

  1. kim Says:

    Well I wouldn’t take it too personally. Palin speaks to Americans who are so out of touch, they still think Andy Griffith Show is competing with American Idol.

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