Show of Strength

I  ripped half of a close friend’s forehead off.

I didn’t mean it. He’s a really terrific guy. And until I did my damage, he was a great looking guy, too. He deserves to have an intact forehead.

The problem is, I don’t know my own strength. It’s not like I’m a huge he-man, not like the guy in the picture, who probably throws cement trucks across football fields for fun.

But I’m moderately strong, and am completely incapable of judging how much ooomph I’m putting into my efforts

Which leads me to my almost forehead-less friend. About a week ago, the two of us were filming for a movie (long story, don’t’ ask.)

After our scenes, he had a stubborn area of theatrical makeup on his forehead that wouldn’t wash off. Plus he couldn’t see exactly where it was because there was no mirror handy.

I offered to remove the offending makeup patch for him.  He never should have let me do it.  I got the theatrical makeup off alright, and all the underlying skin. I scrubbed so hard that a patch of skin came off too. Now his friends tell him he looks like he got in brawl in some dive bar and lost badly. Maybe he can just say the guy accused of biting off that central Vermont man’s eyebrow got him.

Of course, my friend is probably the real he-man. After all, he didn’t mention any pain while I was removing part of his forehead. In any event, I’m not quite sure how to make it up to him.  I mean, I can’t go down to the skin store and buy a forehead patch for him.

Do plastic surgeons offer gift certificates? Forehead discounts?

That wasn’t the only strength related disaster in the filming I was involved with. In one scene I was supposed to pound on a door. We used the director’s apartment entrance door as a prop. Said door is now in pieces.

Everything I do is too big. Despite my best efforts, I ALWAYS FIND MYSELF TALKING LIKE THIS!!!!!!. Yeah, I’m loud.

I guess I’m just a physical person. One of the worst traumas I’ve gone through was that day last September when the doctor told me I couldn’t lift anything heavy for three weeks. That was like telling me I can’t breathe for three weeks. Not realistic.

My relative strength, and my enthusiasm for using it, does come in handy. I’m building a stone wall, and it’s actually fun to heft 100 pound stones and set them in place.

And it makes my landscaping/handyman business that much more efficient for clients. Why cut up a fallen tree into little pieces when I can take the entire thing and drag it away?  Or I can take an entire lawn full of fallen leaves, rake them onto a tarp and drag those away too. Why pussy foot with dainty little leaf piles?

I don’t do dainty.

I leave you with this warning:  If you want a nice gentle facial massage to ease your stress, I’m really not your man.

Just asking Mr. Missing Forehead.

One Response to “Show of Strength”

  1. Jeff Says:

    Hmmmmmm, I was going to ask for your help moving a grand piano. On second thought, I’ ll take care of it myself. Thanks for the “heads up”

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